Toxic People & Relationships

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” You know the kinds of people I mean, don’t you ?

Loud, obnoxious, fascinated by their own views, pick-a-fight-with-anyone, types. Or the gossipy, back-stabbers that you’re afraid to — er — turn your back on.

The types that you go out of your way to avoid, at work, at networking events, at social gatherings, anywhere. Just hopefully not at home.

Part of you is wondering why you’re reading this. Why would I want to know how to be unlikeable? And it’s not nice, nor fair, to characterise someone that way.

Fair point. But information often sticks harder and for longer when it’s presented backwards. So, if you’re up for it, here’s what not to do.

9 Habits of highly Unlikeable people

Trying to be likeable is never a good move: it’ll just flag you as a Try Hard. But there are ways of being in the world that are (way) more helpful, and less self-absorbed, than others. None of us is perfect but here are the behaviours to avoid, at least most of the time.

1. They complain a lot

Not just a little bit, not just about normal stuff — but a lot, about everything. They have a negative way of looking at world and other people. It often means that that, down deep, they don’t think much of themselves either. But it’s hard to empathise with that because their constant complaints just make you tired. Note to self: keep a lid on the negativity.

2. They judge others harshly

They have strong opinions on what others are doing, deciding and being. Their words show they don’t believe there is space for all sorts of people, and views, in the world.

But they don’t realise their judgments are projections. That, in judging others, they are broadcasting their own (often distasteful) core beliefs to the world.

So when we critique others we should consider carefully what our words are saying about ourselves.

3. They use statements — not questions

A likeable person will show genuine interest in others by asking questions. But someone who predominantly uses statements tends to have a rigid, closed thinking style — and can’t see past their own views.

They don’t listen. Instead, they wait for a gap in the conversation and when it appears they, lightening quick, dive in with some fascinating stories of their own. Which makes them not all that fun to talk to.

4. They divide to rule

They’re relationship splitters. So instead of bringing people together and collaborating, they deconstruct other relationships. They’ll play one person off against the other.

They’ll feel a particular satisfaction if they can break up a close friendship by inserting themselves in the middle.

5. They’re ego-bound

Their ego jumps in the way of everything. They seek to impress people, by dropping names and achievements; they try to align themselves with others’ successes, to come across as clever/wise.

But, in the end, a big ego only makes you popular with yourself. And even that’s a false achievement. The coolest people will do their thing/s without need or demand for recognition and praise; their actions speak loudest.

6. They spread rumours

They say things about others you know you really shouldn’t be hearing. When you’re standing there listening to them talk about someone else, you’re feeling uneasy because you know they can — and will — do it about you. Walk away: gossiping always comes back to bite you.

7. They can’t empathise

They struggle to stand in the shoes of others, to see another person’s world view. They may want to empathise — but they can’t. Their history (often harsh, traumatic or neglectful) may have stunted their emotional education.

Even as adults, they experience and express emotions like children. This is sad for them but extremely difficult for those who are on the end of it.

8. They goad others

Some people specialise in winding others up. They always need to take the opposite view. They know how to needle someone, how to tap into another person’s vulnerability.

And when that person takes the bait, those who are really skilled, will find a way of blaming them or making them feel guilty. This is a trademark bullying behaviour — so, if you’re up close to it, try not to play their game.

9. They don’t follow through on promises

I must have you over, we must get together soon, I’ll pass on your details, I’ll get back to you. They lack authenticity: as soon as those words have slipped from their lips, you know they won’t do any of those things.

The cool thing about this though (that they’re not aware of ) is that you secretly hope they don’t. “

Source : https://medium.com/on-the-couch/9-habits-of-highly-unlikeable-people-bea8342e4bf4