Le Blog d'Elsa de Romeu : Information alternative, pertinente & impertinente
red flags deal breakers

Deal Breakers you should never Tolerate

“There are some lines that shouldn’t be crossed. Know when it’s time to negotiate & when it’s time to walk away.
Sometimes, we allow people that we care for to abuse us day-in & day-out.
Why ? Because we fail to realize the depth of our needs & to prioritize them appropriately.
Stop allowing your “better half” to push you over again & again.
Even though we might love someone more than we think we love ourselves, it does not give them free rein in our lives.
We need to stick up for our boundaries & to fight for what’s right for ourselves & our future wellbeing.
They play a core role in establishing secure & equitable relationships for ourselves.
This can often mean making hard decisions & ending commitments that once gave you purpose.
We don’t wake up one day & decide to let people push us around or take advantage.
It’s a behavior that’s learned from our environment(s) & the experiences that litter the road from our childhood to our here & now.
The sooner we understand these tendencies, the sooner we can take action to protect ourselves. ”
Ending a relationship

How to tell when it’s Time to End a Relationship

” My 1st marriage ended dramatically. I kissed my ex-husband goodbye in the morning & as soon as his car was out of sight, I started packing.
I worked quickly, fearing that he would return home before I could leave.
By the time our divorce was final, I had a new life, new friends, a new apartment & a renewed sense of hope for my future – something I had lost over the years of our marriage.
The day I locked that door behind me, there was nothing but anger & hatred left in my heart for him.
I had stayed far too long at the dance & because I had not been able to cut ties earlier, what was once merely dysfunctional had become a dangerous & tricky situation.
Stealth became a necessary component of my exit strategy.
My ex-husband was emotionally, mentally, physically & sexually abusive.
He would have never just let me walk away.
During our marriage, I had drawn many lines in the sand & he had proceeded to cross every single one.
I couldn’t give up that easy. I was so ashamed of failing at my marriage that I allowed my dignity to be stripped away, one crossed line at a time.
I stayed until my hatred of him made leaving the kindest thing I could do for either of us.
And when I left, I didn’t look back. I was done.
Sometimes there is just gradual chipping away of love by one thoughtless action after another,
until one day you wake up & realize that you don’t care.
You don’t hate them. You wish them no harm.
It’s just that you don’t care if they come home or not. ”
Romantic Relationship

One thing you cannot change in Relationships

” “Every next level of your life will demand a different you.”
How much did you change the last ten years?
Do not think about your outward appearance, your job or your home.
Think about your personality, preferences & values.
You know your partner better after 5 years of relationship than after only 1 year.
However, it will be always impossible for you tell how your partner will change in the next 5 years, no matter how long you are already living together.
The risk will always be there, even if you are together for over 20 years.
Who can ensure that you still fit together?
So, in my position it is not about how long I am already in a relationship with my girlfriend. It is about if she is worth it to take the risk (yes she is).
Life will always be about taking risks. You cannot live without risks.
But you have to be sure. Don’t be naive. You have to be sure that he or she loves you too & that this person is ready to take the same risk.
When you ask people what is really important in relationships they will tell you following words:
Trust, Honesty, Respect, Communication, Loyalty & Safety.
I completely agree. All those values are important for a good relationship but you will basically never have 100 % Safety. It is an illusion.
Real love makes people taking risk they were afraid of. It makes us leaving our comfort zone.
And this is beautiful about love. It helps us to forget what can happen in the worst case & puts our focus on the bright side of life. ”

Relationship-Doubts-in-love

The Relationship Doubts you should never ignore

” No matter who you are & how long your relationship has withstood the tests of time – you’ve confronted doubts at one point or another in your partnership.
Doubts are a natural part of the process when it comes to our romantic relationships,
but some are more threatening to our peace of mind & wellbeing than others.
When we are confronted with doubts, we have to address them & be honest about where they take their roots.
Running from our doubts leaves us nowhere but scared, broken & holding on to something that might not be quite right for us.
Though doubts are normal & come with the seasons of our relationships, some doubts are also serious red-flags that must be dealt with in order to maintain & safeguard our inner peace & long-term wellbeing.
In order to resolve our doubts we have to honestly & brutally confront them.
This doesn’t just mean confronting our partners.
It means confronting ourselves & the baggage that we’re carrying, as well as the things that we want from this life & our partnerships.
Addressing these doubts can be a transformative moment for both you & your partner.
Stop running from the questions & reach for understanding.
It’s the only way to find your way to the truth you both need to recognize.”
Love Couple

What a Healthy Relationship looks like

” In order to be able to love & receive love, you have to love yourself first.
Loving yourself in a sense that you are independent.
You know how to cheer yourself up, look after yourself, explore your hobbies & interests, spend time with your own circle of friends.
Often times, you see someone getting lost in their relationship.
Sure, they are happy with their partner – but they’ve lost their friends & their entire world revolves around their partner.
When this happens, you have an imbalance in a relationship.
To be in any sort of relationship where you do not express yourself, simply to keep the peace, is a relationship ruled by one person & will never be balanced or healthy.
It’s ok to ask partners for favors. However, it’s another thing to almost expect them to serve you all the time.
Healthy relationships CHOOSE to communicate with kindness even in the most difficult times. ”
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